My Ex is My Bestfriend

My ex is my best friend and I feel that at this point we are a package deal. This piece is somewhat a longtime coming. What prompted it now was this.

I was recently having a conversation with a friend, who after me asking her, "how are you and your boo were doing" she disclosed that he left her for his first love. He was still conflicted by the feelings, which lead me to respond, "well I'm bestfriends with mine..."

So yes, one of my closest and most dear friends of mine is also my ex and first love. Some will read this and be like "oh nah I could never date him" or "nope, they not just friends!" Well I can actually say that we are in the most juvenile way FRIENDS. But this didn't just happen overnight and realistically it took time, years for us to get to this point.

But, this didn't just happen overnight and realistically it took time, years for us to get to this point. 

We met my Senior year and her junior year of high school, we would bump into and see each other on the bus home from school. We both were heading to our after-school jobs. Through a mutual friend who attended school with her, we were able to connect and our numbers were exchanged. I will admit that I was immediately excited, I low-key watched her for weeks while we were both on the bus. So it only seemed right to make the most of this opportunity. That first day after I got off work, I offered to met her afterwork just to hang out and she agreed. It was a May Spring Friday night, the weekend of Mother's Day. I met her afterwork and we would spend the next two hours walking around talking and enjoying each other's company....

I can realistically say that our initial relationship started off as a friendship, but I personally wouldn't credit that as to why we are still friends today. She and I, have many commonalities that still carry our friendship. Like any good friends, we can talk, laugh, argue and support each other. Now, to many this may sound like hell she's your girlfriend, but in reality she isn't. I have someone, I have a girlfriend who I can have all that with, plus intimacy. And while my ex is my best friend that doesn't mean she still gets the same or all the parts of me that my girlfriend does.

How exactly did we get here??? After our break up, I know at least for me, I realized how special this person was to me. In many ways she put me on the journey that began to mold me into being a man. A man mature enough to understand the boundaries of a close friendship with someone who is technically an ex and an intimate girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.

But, this didn't just happen overnight and realistically it took time, years for us to get to this point. 

There was a time of deep resentment on her part, which included periods of no communication what so ever. Then came a point in my life, where I felt I was out on an island, alone. Only person whose number I knew by heart outside of relatives was hers. The only person who I felt the most comfortable being vulnerable with at that time. She was there to support me, without question or judgment and it was in that moment that I truly realized the depth of our relationship. We are two peas in a pod.

I know for me I have considered, thought over and re-evaluated what it would potentially mean to date her again. But I always come back to the fact that we are good friends. She and I have grown out our of intimacy feelings for each other and settled into a friendship. Oddly enough neither one of us could really tell you how and when this all happened, but it did. I know that I while she is technically an ex there wouldn't be me leaving my new girlfriend to go back to her because my feelings are conflicted. I am, we are passed that point and have come out on the other side. The other side is friendship and a beautiful field of roses and tall oak trees with lots of shade. It's actually not, we don't like each other that much...laughs out loud. 

So, yes we speak often, most times daily, but over the years we have developed a friendship that I think only she and I can truly understand. It's okay if others do not fully get that this is a friendship bond that is free of judgment, full of respect and nothing short of love. She is my best friend, not because she's an ex, but because we've taken time over the years to develop a foundation. We have inside jokes and share a weird sixth sense, but ITS A FRIENDSHIP and I'm glad it happened. I'm truly grateful to have her friendship, not just now but throughout the years. As you get older you begin to see the small things that matter. An honest, trustworthy person that will call you out when you're wrong, understand you when you need and have fun with you all the other times.

This didn't just happen overnight and realistically it took time, years for us to get to this point. 


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