We Lose One: Dating Older

This is in response to a piece originally featured on Hearts Converse, written by Lauren McEwen

From a male's perspective and just being frank, you have a point on some things. 

My senior year, I just so happen to start dating and got into a relationship with a freshmen. It was cool, we were actually able to have real conversations and enjoyed just talking to each other. When it all first started it was really on a lets be cool and friends level; being completely frank, neither of us liked the other when we first, first met. But before either of us knew it, we were liking the other more than friends and low key expressing feelings. 

But as we continued dating/our relationship, I began to recognize more, the limitations of our relationship. She hadn't yet fully established herself as an adult with her parents, which I believe is something that's key to any college student coming and going back home. There were other things that I would see but because of her age she necessarily wouldn't. I had just graduated college, had been through certain things in relationships, had more understanding about other things. So before it got any worse we decided to end it. She wasn't necessarily suppose to see or understand it all the way I did, it wasn't here time to. We're still friends now and I know she sees more where I was coming from as she's gotten closer to the age I was at the time. 

I say all of that to say this, the conflicts of dating older are sometimes just natural occurrences that can't be rectified. It's possible that you'll be in two different places in life on several different aspects. 

I'm 24, dating older for me would be 28-30 plus. A woman that age wants to start looking for a husband, kids, a family. A man with his own home, established 401K and the list could go on. Strike one and two for me dating an older woman, I don't want kids or to start looking to get married for another few years. Is she so into me, that's she's willing to wait for me? Because those are not things I'm budging on. Nope. Nope. Nope! 

So would me dating an older woman solve some of my dating woes, possibly but it would probably open another can of worms. At certain points in your life, dating older isn't a problem, lets say your late 30's their mid 40's, you get the picture. Why because at those points in life, you have yourself more established. In terms of career, goals, future expectations, where we are in our 20's is still sorting it all out. Even at 24, I'm still open to vast change; for my career, my goals, my expectations of myself & the future. 

To do it now, in your 20's I think would be settling too soon, into possibly a lifestyle you don't want. Leaving you with regret, a consist want of the life that could have been. I personally refuse to allow that for myself. So for now I'll stay within my age range of 22-26 maybe 27. That's a couple of years younger and just 2 or 3 years older. Yeah there have been woes and misconnections here too, but in terms of points in life and being able to more closely relate they have the older crowd beat. 

I'll leave it with this...

I don't think it's meant to be, be
But she loves her work more than she does me
And honestly, at twenty-three
I would probably love my work more than I did she
So we, ain't we
It's me, and her
'Cause what she prefers over me, is work
And that's, where we, differ
So I have to give her
Free, time, even if it hurts
So breathe, mami, it's deserved
You've been put on this earth to be
All you can be, like the reserves
And me? My time in the army, it's served
So I have to allow she, her, time to serve
The time's now for her
In time she'll mature
And maybe we, can be, we, again like we were
Finally, my time's too short to share
And to ask her now, it ain't fair
So yeah, she lost one...


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