Recently I engaged some friends in a small conversation over abortion, sex, and teenage pregnancy. I also read a piece entitled "Why Black Girls Get Pregnant at 19," a very great piece to read. A story that like many others that needed to be shared. But it was from the discussion and reading that piece that I felt it was necessary for another side of the story to be told, mine!

I lost my virginity at 14! People that are cool with me know that I don't reveal much about my sex life. The number of women, their names, when, any of it; I don't really share. But I lost my virginity at 14. It wasn't with some chick I was in a relationship with or one that I had feelings for. Someone that I had gone to school with, someone just a curious and open about theirs, as I was with mine. We had talked before about having sex, so one Summer afternoon, with nothing to do I called her, she was free, so I went over. Just so hype about getting ready to lose my virginity, there weren't any condoms brought along or included, no questions asked about any STDs, birth control or any of it. I barely knew what I was doing (til this day I don't know if she knows or not), I tried to play it off as much as possible, all I knew was from the couple of pornos I had watched and the common sense of a 14 year old boy.

Let's rewind a little, I'm the oldest, grew up with both my parents, I had talked to girls before, had even at seen and touched a few vaginas. I had experienced the joys and wonders of masturbating, so I knew somewhat of what my body was capable of.

I can remember being around friends in 7th and 8th grade listening to them discuss different things; which later I found out they were mainly wrong about.
They had overheard, we're told, or just made things up believing what they knew to be fact. Listing the actions and events as if they had done them. At that age we are all very curious, old enough to kind of understand, but not old enough to fully understand the experience and what lies farther down the road. I too was curious, girls were getting more attractive; they had periods (that's not attractive, but follow me), they were getting breast, butts were become bigger and more round, legs/thighs were getting thicker, hair was done, and let's not talk about those catholic school skirts.

So you can see why at 14 I'd be amped to have sex, wouldn't you? Honestly I didn't believe half of what I had heard and wasn't really about to go ask my parents. So for me losing my virginity was really to expel myths and find truth. I remember at the time thinking it too, I don't want go off to high school a virgin and lying about what I had "done" knowing I really hadn't. I wanted to have some first-hand knowledge and understanding of what it was.

I will say that it wasn't 100% because of my pre-cautious ways that I don't have any kids now. There were sometimes we're I played a little Russian roulette. I would have to thank God, because there were several times were I played it a little to close. I'll chalk it up to being young, dumb, and slightly reckless, because it could have happened, I could have been a young father.

I've always remember certain words from my mother "if you think you are ready to have sex let me or your father know, we'll buy the condoms and don't bring no babies in here cause I'm not watching them." There was more to "that" talk but those are always the part I remember.

Let's cue in the entrance of aol chatrooms, teen phone chat lines, teen parties, and Sconex. Between these different mediums and my High School the cargo doors of sex had opened. The girls came then the sex, sex, sex and more sex. For me it wasn't about talking to the baddest chics or bragging about it to my boys; I never made it known who I was talking to. Never really said much to them about it; I simply made the moves I was making and kept it as such.

As for the sex conversations happening around me; I was quickly able to distinguish between those who had actually done the do and those who were just talking to talk. I joined in on some of the conversations, never too much to give away too much but enough to keep up and you know be down. No I didn't start having sex when I did or continue with it just to be cool, but in the midst of it coolness injects itself somewhere in there. Fact though is there really wasn't a need, my friends that were virgins, I didn't look at them any different and for the most part I hadn't declared the loss of my virginity card so I wasn't looked at different.

The sex continued, I had a few girlfriends here and there, so there were points of consistent sex. And after a while I was feeling like a pro, after football and basketball season was over I didn't have to worry about practice. Which left more times for the chics, sex, and setting up more rendezvouses. My parents both worked and I could easily persuade my little brother to leave the room if anything. And there were times we're I would just go to their spot. Once I started working after school I just figured out the amount of time I had to get everything done before my mother got home. During all this sex for me, it never really was about being cool, or succumbing to peer pressure. I wasn't worried about none of that; it was about the feeling, the stroke, the moan, all of that good stuff (I broke my bed once from having sex, crazy)!! I did become wiser after that first time though, I started using condoms, FOR THE MOST PARTI always remembered that don't bring no babies in this house line. I can't lie though, there were times where the condom popped or just wasn't readily available. In those cases it was definitely a pull out and/or a Plan B pill. Being honest there's nothing scarier for a teenage boy than hearing a teenage girl saying we need to talk and she might be pregnant. My senior year in high school, I had one of those scares. Turned out to be just that, a scare, but it definitely put things more into perspective.

As I fully had more of an understanding of the things in front of me I saw then that I couldn't just let it all slip away for a quick moment of fun. Being young and dumb is exactly how I will describe it. I can understand how people do get caught out there though. Because at that age we don't have much to live for but have everything to live for. Let that resonate for a minute. We live heavily in the moment without thinking much of the consequences.

Off to college and enter the land of grown woman; mixed with sleepovers, alcohol, and freedom to do as one pleases.  The first time I had sex in college was the first week of school. And in some ways I think that set the mark for the next 4 years, but honestly this was unknown to me. Realistically there wasn't anyway I could have seen what was to come. I did know that there would be some sort of integrity to it that I would have to maintain. I made sure that I always kept condoms in my room and at least one on me always. It became expensive at times but I understood that baby and side piece pregnancies weren't on the agenda.

The fully understanding for the use of precaution came after the first time I took an HIV/AIDS test. I went with two friends and no lies we were all scared shitless. But it really was a reality check for us and least for me. It was one of those rapid test, but it didn't make the anxiety any less. Sitting in there thinking back to the times where the condom popped or the moments without them, does a lot to you as a young man. So while sitting there I sent up a number of prayers asking for God's help. Even made a commitment that I would make sure that I wrapped it from there on out or I wouldn't have sex. The test came back NEGATIVE and when it did I let out one of the biggest sigh's of reliefs. But til this day I try to hold true to that commitment I made. And now when taking STD test I'm cool as ice.

As I take time to look back on it, before and as I write this piece I see many places where this story could have gone in a completely different direction. It's possibly only by the grace of God that it didn't. I will say that there was never a moment where I completely had a lapse in judgement and just went raw dog with cum and all. I never went that far, but it was also ignorant of me to not acknowledge that precum can do the same amount "damage" as the full ejaculation itself. So in that aspect I must truly say that it was God's grace. I will end by saying this, we all hold the power when it comes to sex, teenage pregnancy, and sexual transmitted diseases.

Ladies: from as young as 12/13 (let's just face truth they're having sex too). You won't be more popular, for the right reasons, because you're having sex. And if that is how you rather gain ya popularity there's nothing wrong with having LOOSE SAFE SEX. It definitely is better to be loose, safe and baby free. Older women; the same holds true for you. While you would have a better understanding that having a child won't end your life. It is also better to wait until you are emotionally, mentally, and financially stable.

Guys: It's never cool to get a female pregnant and not stick around to take care of what's yours. Avoid the drama, the headache, and the 18 years; just put the condom on. I can't say from experience, but its not cool to be walking around burning or infected with something. You weigh it and let me know how the options pan out. Don't brag about the last chic you hit and keep your sex talk circle small. In high school it may seem cool to talk about what chick you hit or who you about to hit. But you also catch more bees with honey than vinegar.

Moral of story; wrap it up, be safe, an if you ever find yourself in a pregnancy situation. Think about all the possible options weigh them, think about whether you're stable and ready, and make the best decision for YOU.


Unknown said…
Very Informative post for me. There is obviously a lot to know about this. I really impressed by your post. feel very similar on this topic but have some new ideas also. :)

~ Lina

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