Young Mom Interview Pt. 2
I’ve known Fatimah for years, so conducting this interview with her was both enlightening and a bit of catching up. I would truly like to thank her for opening up and sharing her story with me and all of us. I’ve known before that each mother’s story is different from the next, but it has been through conducting these interviews that I have been able to truly see. You see and hear it in their reactions to the question and understand it through their responses. So without further delay... An Interview With A Young Mom Part 2.
What are your views on sex now?
My views on sex, I still believe that sex should be between you and your partner. It shouldn’t be based on the feelings now but on the feelings of love. Right now I’m not really having sex, mainly because I don’t have the time, being focused on what I have to do for my child and self. And I don’t feel right now that there’s anyone that I should share that part of myself with.
What about on dating and marriage?
I never really thought about marriage until I felt that deep connection me and my daughters father used to have. I believe that marriage is a strong bond that takes two people to make and that can’t be broken. Now I’ve been on a few dates, but I feel that no one is on my level as far a career goals and where they want to be in life or what they want. When dating I think you have to date someone that’s on the same level as you.
How old we're you when you found out you were pregnant?
I was 21 when I got pregnant with my daughter. But the first time that I got pregnant I was 20.
What were your views on sex then?
It was uh, it was kind of how to keep a man, MEANING WHAT EXACTLY?: meaning if you don’t please him someone else will. It was put it down to keep him down, and to make sure you both got a nut. And if you both enjoy it then it was great sex.
What were they on dating, marriage, and kids?
Dating: I loved dating, I used to believe that you should date only one person, even though it didn’t always happen. I would try the dating one person, but it honestly just went out the window. Marriage: I never wanted to get married, I felt like I’d kill my husband. And being who I was dating back then, it really wasn’t expected. I believed I would be single, live alone, and in my big house. I could have been engaged forever, but married no I would have killed my husband. Kids: I didn’t mind having kids, but I didn’t want to be married. I thought as long as I could have kids without the “baby-daddy” life would be good. I did really consider adoption, adoption really was something I was thinking about, it would have been like saving a child.
What were your first thoughts about being pregnant? How did he react?
I went through a whole roll of emotions. It was definitely a rollercoaster; it was shocking, it was a happy moment, it was a sad moment, it was a confusing moment, but most importantly it was a loving moment. In that moment I realized that I really could love someone else more than I loved myself. He gave me a kiss and said "you really are pregnant." I took it as a mixed emotion kind of moment for him, being that we had previously gone through a pregnancy, where I lost that child.
Follow up: did you consider abortion, adoption? How did your parents feel?
Yes I did, that was my confusion, I was ready to go back to school but at the same time I was given the chance to have a child before. I even went to the clinic and at the time I was told my insurance wasn’t active. So I took it as a sign that this is how it was suppose to be. I didn’t consider giving her up for adoption, absolutely not. Immediately as I realized she was suppose to be here I began to form a bond and made a promise that I would protect her. For my father, all he said was “what is it?”
Did you think you were ready, are you even ready now?
Yes, I believe I was ready, I had my own apartment 2 bedrooms. We were living together, we weren’t living in a home that was broken. I started buying clothes, decided the color of her room, I believed I was very ready. Yes, I do right now it’s just a more hands on experience. Right now, I feel I’m just proving what I thought before was real. And I’m doing it.
Biggest and toughest hurdle of being a young mom in 1 sentence.
There’s not enough time in a day, to be a mom and to be yourself.
How is the relationship with you and your child's father?
He and I don’t speak at all. His family and I are really close, they make sure they don’t miss a beat with her. They make sure they are there for her. But him, he’s maybe seen her once. He is more than welcome in her life though, me and him aren’t together there were some issues that came up before she was born. But he hasn’t stepped up to the plate. I’ve told him he’s more than welcome in her life, he’s her biological father. I would never exclude him from her life, because he’s her father, but he has to step up to the plate. He will have to do that, but before it’s her choice not to have that relationship with him.
So I'm interested in knowing how do you feel about the term "baby mama" and the implications that come with that? I HATE THE WORD BABY-MAMA! I hate it. I am someone’s mother, I am the mother of someone’s child. Its absurd, it has its own place in the urban dictionary. I’m not one that causes drama with their baby’s father. Ugh, I just don’t respond, I am Taliah’s mother.
What are the dreams that you have for yourself and your daughter?
My dreams; the dreams that I have for myself, for us together to simply be happy in life, no matter what happens be happy. To have a sense of contentment, to be okay when things don’t go your way, that it’s a part of life. For myself, to graduate with my master in education. For her, to follow her dreams, wanting it to be something positive, but to follow her dreams in life. And to know that she always has the support of her mom and that I will also be here to catch her when she falls, whether in person or in spirit.