Interview With A Young Mom Pt. 3
This one was the last of the Interview series with Young Moms. What makes this one different and possibly even more unique is that its recent and that she is older than the other two. But still fits within the range of the young mom paradigm. So it was truly something to get the perspective of this young mom. So as with Ayla and Fatimah, I would like to thank Dreama for sharing her personal story with us.
What are you views on sex now?
Where I am at in life now I am a little conflicted with sex at the moment. I feel like I want to take a vow of celibacy, but I still feel like I should still get my freak on because I’m still young. But I also want to set a good example for my son, I don’t just want him to see men coming in and out, not having a father figure, and think mommy’s a whore. I feel I want to take sex out until I’m in a meaningful relationship, I want to make it less lusty. So I’m still a bit conflicted when it comes to sex.
What about on dating and marriage?
My views on marriage I don’t believe in marriage, I get why others do and the union that’s formed. But me personally I don’t believe in it. First I’m not into the religious realm of it all, you stand under God and make a pledge which I don’t believe in it. Secondly I don’t agree with that this piece of paper bonds us together. And the system of marriage now is just weird, like polygamy, having multiple wives. I’m not even sure I could see myself being with someone for the rest of my life. I would like to date, I think its fun. I just think its complicated being that I have a son. There’s no way, if I go on 10 different dates this week, 10 different guys aren’t meeting my son. Like now I’m not dating just to date, I’m dating now to potential start a life with you. I’m not into the casual dating now.
How old we're you when you found out you were pregnant?
22, it was in April. I remember it like it was yesterday. My period was late in March and in April it just wasn’t there. And the subsequent doctor visits to actually find out that I was pregnant. I remember it like it was yesterday.
What were your views on sex then?
Since I was with my sons father, we would have sex all the time. Sometimes it was the bomb sometimes it was just sex. But I was just dating one person so it was we could just have sex whenever.
What were they on dating, marriage, and kids?
I didn’t want to have kids until I was 27, I don’t like other people kids only mine. Views on marriage were the same. My views on dating were real relax. It could be real casual; we could be dating and having sex, we could just be having sex and not dating, just real casual.
What were your first thoughts about being pregnant? How did he react?
Let me think back to that day in the doctor’s office. For some reason in my mind I just knew I was going to keep it, that somewhere in my mind I knew I wanted to have this child. His reaction, I don’t remember his reaction word for word, but it was something along the lines of “I won’t be buying myself a new coat” But he was happy, he doesn’t have any other kids so you could tell it was all new to him. From my boobs getting bigger to me getting a sonogram/ultrasound, you would think he never saw another pregnant women in his life.
Follow up: did you consider abortion, adoption? How did your parents feel? Adoption No! abortion No! Like I said before I just felt like I wanted to have him *This as she whispers to her son “my little baby” in that mommy to her child voice*
Did you think you were ready, are you even ready now?
Absolutely not, I was a mess. OMG NO. Do I think I knew I had to get myself together to be a good mom yes. Is it a on going process yes. I make mistakes everyday, but am I ready more than I was when I popped him out my vagina Yes. Do I think I am as ready as I ever going to be, No, not right now.
Biggest and toughest hurdle of being a young mom in 1 sentence.
I think the biggest and toughest of being of young mom is, the fact that everything isn’t good enough. I ASKED DREAMA, TO ELABORATE FURTHER ON WHAT SHE MEANT…
Its times where as a mother you want to give your child or children the best. And though he has the crib and the other stuff, I’m still always thinking what else is he going to need. And it’s not even just monetary. I want him to go to the best schools, do I be the cool mom, I don’t want to be to forceful, etc. So you’re wondering is it ever enough. Because no one wants their son to be a serial killers or the dropout, you want them to be successful so it’s a balance there you’re always trying to figure out.
How is the relationship with you and your child father?
It’s nonexistent, its nonexistent, WHY? Me and my son father relationship is nonexistent, we are not on any type of speaking terms. But he will call my stepdad and friends to complain about me. But I have reached out to him, through different types of communication and no response. But its sad because its only because I don’t want to be with him.
I'm interested in knowing how do you feel about the term "baby mama" and the implications that come with that?
I’ve never thought about being a baby mama, but I am a baby mama, But when I do think about it I think about the ghetto, over the top woman, who does things out of spite to get at her baby’s father. But I’m far more than that, I know that I’m not just a baby mother. But it is unfortunate that, that’s how its thought about.
What are the dreams that you have for yourself and your son?
Dreams I have for me and my minnie me, good question, one of the dreams I have for us is to be at peace with ourselves. I want to also instill in my son and he can instill in his, that nothing is as serious as it seems. What may be good for him may be nothing for someone else and what may be nothing for him may be the bomb to someone else. Which brings me back to I just want us to be at peace with ourselves, and with who ever we may be with.